On sin and second-hand smoke

I'm going to go out on a limb here.

It is quite likely that some of my dearest friends may find what I'm about to write here objectionable.

But I think I just had an epiphany.  I think I just got a glimpse of something True and True things strike me as important.  Truth is a pretty powerful thing, and seeing things clearly is always helpful.  (Not always pretty, not always pleasant, but in the end always helpful.)

So . . . here goes:

I was on FaceBook earlier this evening and I saw the picture posted here:  Saying someone should be gay because it's against your religion makes as much sense as saying someone shouldn't eat a donut because you're on a diet.

My initial reaction was to "like" the post and to pass it on.

But then I had my epiphany -- what the religious right is saying about homosexuality is actually not at all like this, and saying that it is does a disservice to the cause of equality.  Because telling someone that they shouldn't eat a donut because you're on a diet is stupid.  It's crazy.  And it never helps move a conversation forward to tell the other person that they're stupid and crazy.

Before I go any further I want to make something clear.  The argument I'm making here comes from my perspective as a straight ally.  I have not, personally, had the experience of having my identity, my very existence, branded as "evil" the way my gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender friends have.  I can imagine what that feels like, but I can't know.  Not really.  So it's quite possible that there may be a little more "detachment" for me.  There may be a little more willingness to try to understand "the other side;" a little more of a desire to try and find bridges.

For many folk in the GLBT community(ies) those bridges have been long ago burned.  Having been badly hurt in incredibly deep and personal ways . . . well . . . there's not so much interest in trying to understand the ones who have done -- and continue to do -- the hurting.

And I am certainly not saying that they should.  But maybe that's one of my roles as an ally.  Perhaps that's one of the things allies do -- as bridges ourselves we do the work of trying to build bridges.  Because, I believe, we must all eventually get together.  I preach often the message, "there is no 'us' and 'them,' there is only 'us.'"  With tremendous passion I believe this.  And I want to see it come to be as real "on earth as it is in heaven" (to coin a phrase).

So . . . that epiphany.

Let me suggest another analogy -- saying someone shouldn't be gay because it's against your religion makes as much sense as saying someone shouldn't smoke because you don't want to get lung cancer.  At first blush this also seems ridiculous.  It certainly did when the effort to ban smoking in public places first began.  But we've since learned quite a lot about the dangers of second-hand smoke.  If you smoke, the smoke you exhale, the smoke that exudes from you, that lingers around you like a cloud, can indeed make me sick.  As the child of parents who smoked like chimneys I can certainly testify that the odor alone is incredibly offensive.  But we've also now learned that the poisons in cigarettes are not ingested only by the person smoking.  Insidiously they spread, and do real damage to folks who've never lit up themselves.

So saying that you shouldn't smoke because I don't want cancer is not, as it might first seem, ridiculous.  It's not stupid; it's not crazy.  It actually makes sense.

And I truly believe that a great many -- perhaps even a majority -- of the folks on the religious right see this as true about homosexuality as well.  That was my epiphany tonight.  I understood -- perhaps for the first time -- that "they" really do believe that sin does not just harm the individual sinner but insidiously spreads and does real damage -- eternal damage! -- to people who otherwise are "innocent."

(And yes, I know, there's a problem with the idea that some people consider themselves "innocent."  There's the whole, "let the one who has not sinned cast the first stone" thing going on.  But let's not get caught up on that for a moment, okay?  While certainly theologically correct and consistent, it'd be something of a distraction from this line of thinking . . .)

So let's consider, for a moment at least, that the people who are saying that folks "shouldn't be gay," or that homosexuality shouldn't be normalized, or that their unions shouldn't be recognized and honored in the same way that heterosexual unions are . . . let's just, for a moment, consider that they have (what seems to them to be) a legitimate concern.  They're really afraid that this "sin" -- this literally God damned "abomination" -- is not just some kind of alternate lifestyle choice but is, in fact, a clear and present danger to them.  Let's imagine that for a moment.

Do you really think saying, "that's stupid" is going to be an effective strategy?  Does that ever help someone get over a fear?  If somebody's afraid of flying is it just a matter of telling them that that's crazy to get them over it?  Being called "stupid" and "crazy" generally leads to someone getting defensive, and defensive people rarely open up to change.  Usually they constrict and dig in their heels.

So what do you do to help someone overcome her or his fears of flying?  You lead them through a process.  You teach them the facts about aviation safety.  You give them ever-increasing exposure -- often going to an airport and watching the planes take off.  Walking on to a plane and sitting there while it's on the ground.  Little step by little step introducing the person to the actual experience of flying and, little by little, the actual experience replaces the fear.

Earlier today I saw a beautiful little video.  It's actually an ad by Expedia.  And I think that this ad is not only a lovely depiction of someone making such a journey from fear to love.  Because the story is told in such a matter-of-fact way I believe it could be a step on someone else's journey.  It's like offering an aerophobe an invitation to watch a movie about someone overcoming their fear of flying.  Doesn't that seem more effective than telling them that they're stupid?





In Gassho,

RevWik

Seemingly As If . . .

Here's another reflection prompted by my Lenten reading:

Folks on the so-called Religious Right claim that the United States was founded by Christians on Christian principles. They say that it was in intent -- and is now in it's history -- a "Christian Nation." They say that our country should be governed with Biblical values.

The wonderful Steven Colbert named the conundrum quite clearly a while back:

 “If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.” 

 That seems pretty straightforward to me.  And seems to pretty much sum up the options.  Yet in case a modern comedian isn't convincing enough, how about the words of God (as declared by the prophet Isaiah)?

¹ “Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
   Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
   and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.
² For day after day they seek me out;
   they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
   and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
   and seem eager for God to come near them.
³ ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
   ‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
   and you have not noticed?’
   “Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
   and exploit all your workers.
⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
   and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
   and expect your voice to be heard on high.
⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
   only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
   and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
   a day acceptable to the LORD?
 ⁶ “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
   and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
   and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
   and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
   and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
   and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness^[a] will go before you,
   and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
   you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
   “If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
   with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
   and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
   and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
   he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
   and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
   like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
   and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
   Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
 ¹³ “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
   and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
   and the LORD’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
   and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,
   and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
   and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
            For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Seems pretty straightforward too.  (That's Isaiah 58, by the way.)

Day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God.  They . . . seem eager for God to come near them.  [Yet] is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. 

Is anybody on the Religious Right reading this stuff?

In Gassho,

RevWik